every beat of my heart

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

today is an oh so WOW day (:
and i really mean wow as in wow.. thanks for those who really made my day my day (:

yayness. well.. today started not so well with me being tired due to sleeping at 3am cuz of chemistry.. and with the sore in my left calf that doesn't seem to get better.. turned out that as the day progressed the sore got more and more tolerable (: so it wasn't that bad.

well.. the day went past in a breeze and soon my short day of lessons was over.. met carol. talked to her and all.. and i realised that i'm exactly been very good at hiding things am i? oh well.. but it sure does feel less burdened at the knowlegde that someone else knows and understands. thanks carol (: and guess wad. the BEST thing that happened to me was when carol gave me a message in a bottle!!!!!!! =) THANK YOU VERY MUCH CAROL!!! i've been wanting a message in a bottle since i read that book message in a bottle.. and today i received my first message in a bottle and i'm satisfied. one's enough and if you're ever thinking of writing me a message you gonna have to figure out your own way to give it to me. no more bottles (:

roadrun meeting den training.. both kinda crapp.. but whatever.. couldn't do much for training cuz of my calf and my knee.. seems like now when i try to squat i'll feel a sore and slight pull in my knee. maybe i'm juz imagining things.. oh well!!!

after training was suppose to go pp with jazreel.. but didn't.. so in the end went with jon and tzejie to central mac.. dinnered there den studied!!! :D okay.. at least we tried ok!! and i did like say hmmmm... 5compre questions :D one of them was summary k!! =P but we had fun.. and i spammed jon's foolscap with my armies of smileys and frownies x) been pretty much quite a while since i last did that.. but it was fun (: shall we go out study again after training next week? x)

studied til almost 11.. home. tired x) but i enjoyed my day. feels good to do good things. not for thanks but for the knowlegde that you've made someone happy today.. and the knowledge that you've made the day of someone else (:

you aren't the only one that cares for me. and you wont be the last.
thanks edmund.

*throbs @01:24
0 <3

Sunday, January 28, 2007

shopping makes a sad girl happy

shopping sure does make a little girl happy (:

rahhhhhhhhh (: so the past few days have been a little more than juz gloomy for me. a little upsetting, a little disappointing and a little saddening.. lots of things on my mind and now that i suppose i've finally sorted things out and come to a decision myself.. i guess it's over now (: i tried but now ii'll try doing otherwise.. if you get what i mean.. nvm if you don't cuz you dun need to know.

so yeah. shopping. today sunday went shopping with my mum and my aunt.. actually it's more with my mum (: i love shopping with my mum.. it's not that she's my walking atm.. but it's the fact that she knows how to make me happy. so yupp!! what'd i buy today.. hmmm. undergarments, a bodynits sleeveless, lots of groceries and yummy snacks to keep me from getting hungry and last but not least, a little white handbag that i've been looking for since quite some time ago (: in total.. let's say she spent about 150 and maybe more if you include the groceries on me x) ahhhhhhh!! THANKS MUM!!! (: the thing iz that that handbag was like so last minute la.. we were going home walking through fila.. den ahh! nice bag! and she juz said if you like it den buy lor (: gosh. i love my mummy so much.. well so we spent the evening trying on clothes for the fun of trying them on. window shopped most of the time. well i did try on this ness $97 white dress. geex it's NICE can.. but cuz it's hmmmm kinda ex so didn't buy it.. but nonetheless i'm a sad girl turned happy cuz i shopped and bought things i liked. though i wouldn't say there were times when i juz stared out of the window of the car feeling gloomy..

but arghh.. i dun have to tink of anything now. i'm carefree and you know i am. i love it this way. for now. izzit that hard juz to feel secure and protected? maybe.

okay.. so summary again! few things that needs to be remembered (:
friday physio. i did 2x5km runs (: LOVED IT. waha!! i feel OVERWHELMED when i get to run. at first i did a 30.19min for the first run. crappppp.. it wasn't good cuz i was aiming for below 30min! so it was a bit upsetting and disappointing.. kinda got to me during throughout the session. well i tink edmund noticed and asked me if i wanna run with him again at the end of my session. and duh. i said YES! pauline allowed me knowing that i was disappointed with my own performance as well.. so i did another run. and i clocked a 26.58min!!!!!!!! YAYNESS (: lovelovelove!! but with that i had a very tight left calf muscle which in turn affects the stability of my knee and increases the pain i feel. it's still tight now.. but doesn't matter does it. i broke my own record. (:

saturday was started off as a crappy day. well tired as usual went for cell. longlong cell that was quite interesting but alittle too long i suppose. in the end i was late for church. didn't join the cell for fellowship dinner after that cuz i was suppose to have my own plans after that.. i wanted to head down by the waterside.. but i decided against it. i didn't want to waste my time trying to create something out of nothing. so i decided to head down to town instead. called jon along and so we went down to town (: had light dinner den started walking.. from orchard to cine to somerset to douby ghaut. well it was an interesting walk.. talked and thought.. den osama came to find jon and they had their guys night out. go home i went. go home.

and did you know that after ONE YEAR of doing physics.. i finally knew that forces in equilibrium has to equate to give a flowing triangle!!! hmmm!

oh well!! TAKE CARE JUD (:

*throbs @23:59
0 <3

Sunday, January 21, 2007

message in a bottle.

do you believe in messages in a bottle?

feeling emo all over from reading that book. managed to finish the whole book today. like maybe juz? not long ago.. covered almost 200odd pages. and now i feel it's worth it. all of a sudden all those book seem to make out in life. within the fairytales they tell, lies a true story based on true human emotions and reality. once you immerse yourself in the storyline and flow together as one with the author and the character in it, i feel a sudden sweet tingling and at times fiery sensations all over. crappp. if only all good things will come out of it, and that i would be able to live out such a fairytale life. but the fact that each and every story was told with a common point when the main characters are of middle age say, 30+40. and guess wad. i'm only 17. do you tink all these will last?

i tink back on life and the things that have passed me by these 17years. due to my STM, nothing much registers when i tink back except those of recent times. i miss the way you always have that look in you. and i realise that many things that i've been feeling esp those of anger are the times when i start denying what i refuse to admit.

somehow i wish someday i'll receive a message in a bottle too (: but i guess that only happens in books. those little lovey dovey romance novels.

suddenly i feel like sending out my own message in a bottle.

*throbs @21:47
0 <3

colours (:

SO WHAT?! don't you come blaming others for smth that didn't work out for your efforts dude.
went to mp lib today with my mum in the afternoon. tried to do abit of work but ended up more to reading my own book and talking to my mum. den after walking my mum to pp i headed down for svc. svc was fine. since the unfruitful afternoon happened, i decided i needed to get some work done! so i didn't join david and gab for dinner. went down to macs at singpost and did my chem. i need to be more efficient, really. came home watch law of attraction on tv and now i'm hungry.

i realised all of a sudden i feel cheated. i feel that for the past one week i've been in the dark. i know i shouldn't cuz it's juz half an hour difference. but yaaaaaaaaa.. now i really wonder why. i'm curious to find out more. but yet i know i cant wait for one more week to go by. i shouldn't pull my hopes so high i guess.. let's say juz bury yourself in books. bury myself in books. i seriously need to start sweating things out!!!!! ):

you know something.. colours have meaning. if the world would juz be made up of white, pink, orange, green and red this world would juz be a better place. but apparently not. there's blue and grey and everything else that's depressing. but guess wad. that's what makes the world this world. and that's what makes the goodness of things stand out (:

if only i could juz feel pink with sweetness;
red with passionate love;
orange with spice in life;
white with purity;
yellow with fun;
green with optimism.

dun ask me why these colours represents such. thanks to my little chilli padi that reminded me colours have meanings (: and rem. every relationship iz a RAINBOW.

everyone's feeling out of sorts today. and it's seriously affecting me. wish i could juz leave my brain and my heart in the cupboard. den i wouldn't get so affected by everything that's happening around me. or at least i can turn a deaf ear or a blind eye to it. freak. i juz dun like the way things turn out but there's nothing i can jolly well do about it. cheers to that. i guess it's these times that i wish i can do something brainless like watching random brainless tv show, and it's these times that i really wish i can down something solid. argh!stupid saturday.

*throbs @02:38
0 <3

Saturday, January 20, 2007

week sumary!

wow! say wow (:

i'm amazed by myself.. could you say this was the longest period of time i spent not online (: i wasn't even appearing offline k melly!!! x) haha! but nonetheless (: my last post was ONE week ago!! waha! missed me? dun tink so x) oh well!

busybusybusy lousy week.

last saturday
went shopping with my mum (: and i finally bought my EC ascis shoes!!! (: yays!! i've been eyeing that pair of shoes for almost a year already. and now i've finally gotten them =) yipee!! den bought alot of tops from nike and bodynits. shopping spree for me and my mum. and i got myself a new pair of slip-ons too!! thanks mum!

last sunday
my first tuition from my uncle-cum-godpa (: geex. he spent almost 2hours odd on 2chapters of physics and i cant believe it.. i can actually almost doze off having a one-to-one tuition. slap myself. did chem and read (: finished the book that took soooooo long to be finished.

monday
swimming, tired. ended up zzzzz during lessons the whole day. yes it was refreshing but it didn't last long.. or at least it didn't take long for fatigue to set in (: harhar. so after that physio. did agility (: fun. den went to meet my mum for birthday dinner. happy birthday mum!!

tuesday
finished yet another book which i borrowed in the school library on monday x) training today. ended freaking early cuz coach wasn't here. sian diao. waste my time. home. read. couldn't get any work done. i dun like studying at home. shall head out next time (:

wednesday
let me seeeeeeee. physio today. the rest of school time was hmmm. had some funny scholarship talk that wasn't very interesting. dun tink i'll apply for it anyway.. at least i dun tink i'll qualify for it at all. yupp! den yadayada cant rem what happened on wednesday le.

thursday
oh yes. freaking tired day :D longlong practical day.. double gp.. sighhhhhhh. after that studied chem in lib while waiting for training to begin (: today's trng was GREAT! (: the new kids came today (: and it was fun showing them the workouts, how to walk hurdles, the arm actions.. and all simply getting to know them. come to tink of it it's quite fun. especially towards the end when the fielders came back to join us for stretching and all (: waha! that was the fun part of the whole day. cuz i wont deny that most of the time was more or less spent on delaying and waiting and dunno-what-to-do-ing!!! x) yupp! and after training ended at 8. sugercaned. reached home at 9+. by the time i finished dinner and everything juz to get settled it was 10+. talked to my mum my dad den 1115 le. go back my room. ahhhhh. so tired. lie down. zzz! gone. was suppose to be studying for ECONS AND CHEM cannnnnn!! but miraclously i suddenly woke up at 3am for no reason. i din set alarm din have bad dreams or anything. i juz woke up. studied.

friday
chem and econs test.
econs test was fine. at least i could remember the pointers more or less.. but hopefully i wont fail it as bad? but chem was CRAP. like freaking hell!! those tutors who set the tests are seriously out to fail us la ): cannot dooo!!! whatever. lessons den go physio. agility again (:

okay. seriously. i LOVE agility like nuts (: being able to sweat it out and put your speed and agility to the test. well it was pretty disappointing today that i couldn't push my own timing faster. i dunno what's wrong!! i tink it's muscle fatigue. but cannot blame my muscles can.. it doesn't even ache la ):< whatever.

and the other thing iz i'm in love with the school library. it's the place i like to go when i wanna study now (: with my handy dandy mp3 player (: mamameeya (: loves! i like it quiet and peaceful and a place where i can concentrate on getting some work done (: or actually as long as it's not home and far away from my bed i'd love it all the same with my mp3 player.

and yupp! life's having a brighter outlook cuz i've chosen to be optimistic bout every situation i might find myself in. for now. i juz look forward to that hour for something to happen. and there are soooo many times i wish i could have juz said i'm missing you.

*throbs @01:16
0 <3

Saturday, January 13, 2007

making sense!

i'm surprised at what i said today.
it suddenly feels as though i've grown up overnight. making sense to every single thing that i said and i'm amazed by myself. i have not and did not and would never have expected myself to have said these things.

well i was smsing jazreel today. conversation started was kenneth :D nvm.. more details cannot be disclosed later someone come after me x) so yuppp! you know sometimes there are somethings that are better off not to know. so when anything were to happen it'll juz be a big surprise that you'll love or at least you wont fall that hard if things turned out otherwise. so juz have patience and wait and see! cuz you know that one day your patience will be rewarded someday somehow. so there's no need to worry so much. juz one step at a time. maybe it's juz not now, cuz it's not our time yet. maybe uni or maybe when we start working? many more opportunities to come! (: i'll have patience. i'll get my reward when it's time for me to get it. with a little magic at work =)

sometimes i wish nature would juz speed up and find it's course to travel in the quickest time possible. i dread the wait but i know it could all be juz worthwhile. but for now, if it's meant to be it will be.

so today had school alpha dialogue physio. home hungry. and the next thing i know i'm deep in thought. maybe you made sense, but i wish you didn't. but whatever.

i'm stoning my life away and i'm tired. i dunno why. shall juz go sleep now. at a late hour again.

*throbs @00:57
0 <3

Thursday, January 11, 2007

i'm gonna miss you.

(:? ):? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

my head cant decided whether to be happy or not!! ): stuck in a mixed dilema of emotions ): and i'm juz thinking i might juz not be fated to be typing this entry since i already did it once but failed to appear ): crapp.. i guess i guess.. when i'm suppose to be happy i juz dun feel all that excited anymore. maybe it's juz for now. it's a good thing that happened that deserves lots of smiles but yet together with it came pain and maybe misery. all i know iz the thing that keeps me going on and on and on iz the thought that was given and the memories that are mine for keeps (: i'll juz stay satisfied with those sweet flashbacks that might juz have made me the princess of my life for once. but i guess for now i shall juz be patient, and stay somewhere within reach.
so fourth day of school and counting. let's see what we had today.. practical lecture double gp practical. hom early today for the first time cuz training was cancelled. slept for too long and now i guess it's juz time to......

MUG.

*throbs @20:38
0 <3

Monday, January 08, 2007

first day of lessons

rahhhhhhhhh

vodafone iz giving me hell lots of problems ): i cannot access blogger la! and everything else moves at snail pace.. damn crap la....!!!!!! ): TIRED!!

i guess the good thing that turned out today was the fact that we're changing MATH tutors (: everyone's happy bout that fact and i'm no exception. well ang may be a good skilled tutor but there's not much point in having one skilled tutor that does impart his skill to help us at all (: but now that there's Mr Ng.. i see hope in math!! at least the fact that his teaching iz wowwow understandable (: and the fact that he's a patient man with lousy classes like us. and the fact that all the students he tutored passed and got A for math. well at least most =) see!! the big difference between one who cares and one who doesn't (: i'm gonna love math.

something carol said made sense (:
carol * supremed says:
no matter what the lesser we think the happier we are (:
yeah i guess so. but the fact that our mind works this way and we cant stop it from functioning. it hurts. and it's a big weakness. but that's life. for you. weakest iz when you lack to control of your heart.

*throbs @23:38
0 <3

Sunday, January 07, 2007

explain your slap me to me.

thanks zhaoxiang for the *piak* (:
suddenly i feel this world iz a brighter place (: at least someone's willing to help me with my request (: although arvin did lightly and said i was mad yesterday (:

well.. some sense got into me today x) zhaoxiang's HALF-right. well, the only thing that will slap me hard in my face iz reality. and that already did. the other half iz when he said
- _ahsNCC `dELtA'05 *---Can there ever be pure friendship and no love?I believe it's possible!!!---* says:
i think got alot of pp teng u oso no time la
thanks, but i dun tink i can believe that!!! :D but thanks anyway (:

well sherwin was HALF-right too!! taking pleasure in pain.
Sadomasochism that's what you call it. well i had it researched up and yeah..
"The derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical or mental pain either on others or on oneself" (Webster's Dictionary)
but den hor.... the way it's used iz ermerm yaaaaaaaa.. not so accurate in this case. so ignore the rest!! i'll juz give you the meaning. well the word is now commonly used to describe personality traits in an emotional sense - usually the desire to control another, or to be controlled. okay.. to solve some misunderstandings that might occur, NO, i'm not sadistic. and erm it's nothing more than juz a emotional sense!!!

yuppp. i'm fine and i will be. mood swings!! so yaaa.. pardon me! school begins soon. and did i say? my mum's FOR my revamping my room!!! my room's gonna get a new bed, new ledge, new coat of painT!! (: yayness. oh and did i say? my mum got me my own wireless (: now, i'm using VODAFONE. not free wireless k! (:

cya in school tmr.

*throbs @23:04
0 <3

o night!!! (:

aye!! end of orientation and i've seriously no voice x) like it this way love it like that. all i can afford to do now to be heard iz a loud whisper. yays dude!!! sexy iz my voice now (: erm.. whatever. i'm suppose to be happy that my voice iz gone la!! but no, i'm not exactly that happy. i dun like not being able to shout and help cheer for blazon, dun like to be not able to scream and lead the og on.. seeing them juz sit there, i cant do anything to help!!! i cant even talk properly. so whatever. sorry guys, couldn't help you guys much today.

so yupp!! today iz orientation day4.. actually not really, it's more of orientation NIGHT 1 :D well, as o night suggest, it's night time. so met the og up in the day, had a yumyum mixed fruit tart for lunch at PP den head back to school. played captain's ball with the OG (: i was the one catching the ball!!! :D den after that slack away the rest of the day. at bout 430, gathered back.

start of o night. (: watched performance after performance, paegent after paegent. well, what can i say? honestly, blazon's performance wasn't very good, neither was it very attention catching.. so i'm not surprised doogashaka and nyrah won this.. as for paegent, geraldine wins hands down. she was the only one that caught my eye even before the finalists went up on stage, but honestly.. angelia would stand some chances too!! but the thing i dun quite get iz why ryan? hmmm.. well beatboxing. WOW. blazon's thai guy dance was WOWWOW too wad. bias. nvm! nyrah won in the end (: well deserved win nyrah. congrats congrats!! but as i was saying and always will say, winning iz juz a bonus, most importantly iz for everyone to have fun. mun got that point and it sure took him to greater heights (: yays! *cheers*

okok. well yupp! note to og1!! (: YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT!!! fun-loving and all.. even though we didn't win and even though we weren't as bonded as the other ogs, i guess i wouldn't have asked for any much more than to juz have fun with you guys. jeremy for being the enthu and the one that rised up to lead the group, james that i had fun screaming into, dave that dropped that happening message, and everyone else in the og. rock on!! (: gonna be seeing you guys around here and there. gonna be great and i sure had fun. take care!

on a heavier note. i'm having a weird headache. comes once in a while and whenever i cough my brain juz tightens like crap. hurts. throat feels normal. but voice iz lost.

i guess it's time to wake up. wake up from this dream of mine. i should have woken up long ago, but i chose to stay in this dream and not wake up. but now it's time.. so someone please help me. how can i wake up and feel nothing at all? slap me please. slap me hard. i deserve it and i need it. kill my heart kill my head, whatever it does to take it all away. you dun have to be nice to me really. i wish we could juz revert back to before. it's not that things have changed to now, it's juz that things have added to make now now. okay, you really dun have to try to be nice to me. the nicer you are to me, the more i feel like hating you. but i cant do that. so whatever to myself. bigL!!!!

i suddenly juz feel like getting married and being happily married. bride of my life.
chuan. helping others = helping myself i suppose. i guess i juz cant bear that consequence of people seeing me in a different light after i open up. and i dun like it when people start to take pity on me like i'm some pathetic little weakling. yes i'm pathetic, but NO. i'm not a weakling. and i hope i never will be.

*throbs @01:34
0 <3

Saturday, January 06, 2007

suntec night!

thank you JUDITH, RACHEL, MELLY, KENNETH for coming down to suntec tonight!!!!! (:

especially judith sim ming xing!!!! (:
(did i get your name correctly? does it has a g in them or dun have?? hmmm..) aiya.. whatever it iz, i'm seriously VERY happy to see you guys (:

today orientation day3. college games. out of 8 we only managed to play 4 due to time constraints.. but it was alright (: quite fun :D scream their heads off screamed my head off =P won most of the games, den last one draw. end. i tink i got a little burned on my face.. the first thing my sister said when i reached home was "why are you red?" lolx. but not that red ba.. juz rosy :D

yupp!! games ended, og's not bad rather enthu (: lunch!!!! haha.. we're the first to reach the audi, first to leave college, first to buy our food, first to occupy the stage. yeah man!!!! =) den og bonding, og performance, auditions.. the dance they put up was yeah (: good!!!! but oh well!!! left after auditions for physio, others continued with mass dance and erm i dunno wad.

physio did strengthening today (: rocks my life can!! i love it whenever i get to sweat it out. say i'm crazy say i'm mad but whatever it is i love it wet :D best iz drenched with sweat. lolx. yupp!

so after physio, met jon up den go suntec together. met the OG along the way, one of the first few OGs to reach x) yays to us!! but yeah.. cant deny the fact that during the journey something was a little upsetting for me. felt like crap la.. so crap it felt.. decided to juz immerse in my floaty, crazy me. reached the fountain.. decided to juz walk it all away. walkwalkwalk maybe i'll juz let the fountain spray it's water and some sense into me. 1 round 2 rounds 3 rounds 4...... i like i did a 7/8 den i saw someone...... bright yellow..... MELLY!!!!! RAE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUD!!!!!!!!!!! saved my night (: scream hug poke her stomach go googoogaga (: play water and did everything else we do (: that's when the fun began (:

mass danced, tried to follow but more or less unsuccessfully. waha!!! but nvm, we were a mess together and we had fun. i still like speedy the best (: sclub's not bad too!! (: and yeah.. the chorus of retarded!!! x) lolx. yupp!!! den after dancing finish we ran in circles around the fountain!! the scene was so cool la.. everyone surrounding the fountain was running and yeah. you have to see it for yourself. den it started to drizzle. o.O somehow we got "chased" down ): sadddddd. the rain wasn't that heavy la!!!! but oh well..

down we went, then the mess started. valueables, place to go.. in the end we looked like a refuge camp in the link between suntec and milenia walk.. waha!! den valueables found. yays! dismiss. home.

i love it in the rain, i love it in the fountain. wish that moment will never end but it did. i guess the best thing to happen was when they were about to leave i said OG1 rocks and they cheered (: OG1 rocks!!!

i was wet, changed, bused home. blew the aircon straight at my face thinking. thank goodness i was pretty much dry already else i could have juz caught a cold. but it didn't occur to me then, i juz wanted to think. upset, angry, disappointed, irritated and shattered. i felt it all someway or another. but i guess i'm juz taking the whole matter too seriously and too hard. let it go, let it go. i will let it go.

suntec night came at the right time today. scream and get high. forget about everything on your mind cuz it doesn't matter. when you juz let down your hair and go wild. juz like onight i suppose. it's juz the time to lose yourself and everything that's boggling you down. i love running at suntec (: i love getting wet at suntec (: i love being at suntec.

*throbs @01:12
0 <3

Friday, January 05, 2007

crazy little thing called love.

you know smth..?

when i read carol's post, i juz began to wonder.. how can someone be so open and easy with herself as her? *salutes to carol* i guess that'll never be me. it's pretty hard to express myself and it's pretty hard to understand too. so like arghhhhhhh.. all i know iz that everytime to come to tink about this, i juz feel like crap. really crap.

there's a million and one things going through in my mine. most of which i try to push outta my mind but no matter how hard i try, it still comes back to haunt me in a sense every once in a while! den there are those that i juz cant stop blaming and reproaching myself for it's happening. crap. i dun like this vagueness yet there's nothing much i can do bout it. and freak. please juz ignore this post.

it's really a crazy little thing called love.

*throbs @00:09
0 <3

Thursday, January 04, 2007

orientation

AYE!!!! :D
haha.. it's my favourite catch phrase for the time being =D

well oh well.. guess wad.. school had begun and so has orientation.. and wheeeeeeeee.. okay.. i'm half losing my voice, yet i dun tink it'll be totally gone at the end of it all like it always vanishes after every orientation i've ever had. it's suppose to be a good thing!!! but i guess maybe not. i was expecting it to be gone. but not that it probably wont.. a little disappointing? okay, i'm MAd. certified mad.

shall talk about orientation. sorry i was complaining the whole of day1.. but the fact that i really was argh la. morning was some talks. until afternoon. so ogls SLACK. chuan and i went lib to find jud,rae,shu,ken la.. that's how much free time we had. den after that umm.. let me see. watched the orientation video, watched the SC dance the cool mass dance den hmmm.. ohoh.. i forgot we had og lunch before that.. bout an hour half i tink. yupp! den went to halllll supposedly learn mass dance dhoom. but i left, physio.

aye! dhoom iz a nice dance, seems easy but nah.. i guess it'll juz never be nice seen on me. get it? no? nvm. i'm juz tired and sick at myself for trying to be someone i'll never ever be. for trying soooo hard i should juz walk myself into the wall. freak.

whatever. day2 was good. which iz today (: amazing raceeeeeeeeeee.. well it didn't start off pretty well.. but after a while the ogms warmed up among themselves and things got pretty hyped up (: not forgetting jon joined us and helped us during the whole thingy!!! =) yays! that's orientation for you. did 3dances today. og bonding. yupp. that was it.

okay end. no mood.

*throbs @23:11
0 <3

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

school's reopening.

i realised a few things.

when i'm bored, i'll start stuffing myself with food. den i'll try to occupy myself with something to do like watching tv.. and at every advertisement i'll start whining and channel surfing.. soon enough before you know it i go full blown nuts x) haha!! i'll start screaming no mattter the hour and laughing like a mad girl.. lolx. new realisation. how cool eh! =)

okay.. few things that i suddenly feel like doing.
- i wanna faster become 18 so that i can like start buying my own bacardi or booz whenever i've the craving for em!! den i wouldn't have to end up begging people like my sis or mum who'd seldom relent :D
- i've been on a BUBLE madness streak recently and it doesn't seem like it's gonna stop!!! but it has to now cuz my sister's COMPLAINING about it.. and if you're reading this nad, be honoured..!! hrmph. by the way.. thanks goes to jon for letting me kope the buble tracks and all!! (: and chuan for recently adding one more song to my collection! "crazyeeeeee little thing called loveeee"
- i'm gonna get my own wireless connection soon soon like very soon. den i wouldn't have to somehow get connected and worse still, i'm actually connected now evern though the wireless status states "wireless connection unavailable".. i seriously tink my laptop's going berserk.
- i wanna paint my room walls -- pink blue -- and ceiling -- navy -- (:

shoots. train of thoughts broken.. well!! school begins.

and let me put a little reminder to myself and a note to everyone. what happened on 8sep06 will only happen once and i'll never let it ever happen again.. guess wad. even if something happens and i'm adviced to go for it AGAIN, mark my words. i'll be forgoing it ALL and freak! let's juz stick to an office job. yipeeeeee! *print file check*

great, i still cant stand it. school's starting. and i haven completed the many things i've wanted to do this holidays.. and that includes putting a close to my year1 stuff(which i practically did NOT touch) and packing away all my secondary stuff. syllabus has changed. can like THROW away everything la. shall do it soon. hopefully by this week? maybe a little more leeway la.. by term ONE!

whatAever. see you guys in school!

*throbs @23:59
0 <3

the big picture of 2006/7.

since everyone has posted new year resolutions.. here's mine too.

2007 resolutions
study REAL hard(mugger) [apologies in advance juz in case i really do become one and end up drifting apart from all of you]
juggle my time well between trainings, physio, school and studies
complete every subject tutorials [and be a good girl]
resist temptations whatever form they may come in [fully concentrate on studying]
cut down on internet usage
back on TRACK by march [runrun as fast as you can, you cant catch me cuz i'm the nutty nutty NAT]

-probable dreams-
revamp my room, buy new bed
change my diet to salads and potato salads (:
work and earn my own spendature(yearend)
learn to drive(yearend)
oh and did i say what my bachelorette dream was like? nahhhhh.. shan't tell you!! hrmph =P
to live in a condo and design my own room with style. workout every night and juz soak in the elegance of home.
rahhhhhhhhhhhh (:

judith took you down memory lane.. and i shan't. everyone had personal notes to everyone else.. but i guess i wouldn't do that.. one thing iz my memory's really poor.. and the other thing iz that sooooo many things have happened throughout this 2006 and everyone has a part to play to make my 2006 a brighter place to be in.. from my clique to my seniors both in track and in alpha and even from my ahs seniors in TJ to my juniors in ahs. and not forgetting all my friends in TJ not juz in my clique.. juz everyone who knows me. i wouldn't have brought you joys if you guys hadn't allowed me to (: and sorry if i made you life bleak with emoness!! but without that, i wouldn't have known how much you guys really do care for me. even to making me potato salad(right jud?)!! (: yays. from the messages to the hugs and smiles and craziness and singing. you guys juz ROCK my world. and not forgetting to juz being there and listening to me ramble on(right jon?).. great. i tink my train of thoughts juz stopped suddenly. but whatever. thank you to everyone for being part of my 2006. and my cell group too.

and after so much i tink i'll juz write a personal note or two for you (:

judith (:
for always going crazy with me and for making me happy. my runner buddy and i'm VERY proud of you.. i'll be back on track with you and lucky heights ya!! (: we gonna train together and conquer 2.4!!! (: and whatever your little head tells you, you're fast and you know it. too fast too furious with smiley faces on your wrists! oh.. and did i tell you, you were my first connection into TJ05/06 and you. were the one that kept my going through my appeal into TJC (: ohoh.. and even during my roadshow back in ahs? i mentioned meeting friends like youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! (:

jonathan one jun jie (:
for juz listening and being the biggy brother for me(even though you're younger than me but whatever).. it's always good to have someone to confide with and i'm glad i put my trust in you and poured it all out to you! (: and i'm really glad to have been there for you juz as you've been there for me. and 2007 will be great. i'll miss you like NUTS! (: no matter wad you're still my Mr.Titans (:

chuanli chunli chuanchuan (:
for being that lame guy who like always helping me with whatever help i need. from like offering his ear to juz letting me scream into his ear x) waha!! it has been fun crapping with you and now it's time to tone down and mug together ya!! =P well.. and always not forgetting to include me in everything (: ohoh.. and for not psing me during camp!!! you rock my smelly socks!! oh and i will NEVER forget you didn't know i was your classmate at first =P

carol carol caroLINE (:
for silently being there to suddenly pop by with messages to cheer me up somehow whenever i'm down and needed something like that to put a smile and streak of brightness back into my life. you never know how much a simple little act from you can cause my upside-down world to be right-side up (:

rerayraeeeeeeeeee (:
surprising to be able to meet my dad's childhood friend and my granny's long time friend and now you my little friend :D well! what more do i have to say!! maybe you can be my kid's godma!!! rock on arty factory! let your art juices flowwwwwwwwwwww (: [did i ever said i wanted to be arty like you and jud?]

shushushaking!!!!! (:
waha! well.. this iz not going to be about all the thingys in your head that everyone remembers you of.. but this iz going to be more of thanks!! for being such a friend (: i'm telling you you're lucky cuz i'm really happy for you.. although i'm always lagging behind and sometimes whenever i go shopping with you all i dunno wad you all are talking about.. but i always believed that ya!! you're lucky!! okay i'm talking crap i dunno wad i'm talking about!! but yaaaaaaa.. i like your mushroom head (: and i like the way you're mature about things and sensitive bout things that need be (:

kenneth starfish kenneth starfishhy (:
fellow sports appeal student (: i still rem my daddy sending you home! waha! thanks for the great times spent. and yupp!! 2007 would be a year where your new year resoultions will stand and you'll shine (: go mr.eleven! if it's worth fighting for go for it.

melly junjun (:
geex. i realised i didn't really get to spend much time with you two.. but i rem spamming your notebooks during pw lecture with smiley faces!!! x) whatever it iz thanks (: for everything.

jazreeeeeeeeeeel!!!!! (:
for being the BEST friend one can ever ask for. though we may have drifted and yet pulled together repeatedly, it's always good to know you'll always be there for me (: certain things i may not have shared certain things you may not have shared. but whatever it iz, i'm really glad this friendship withstood the test of time and obstacles and ya. to greater heights!! (: study hard k! no obstable iz too hard, no wall iz too high for you to overcome. and i mean it (:

serene tay shilinglingling (:
TWIN!!! (: my twin and the one who pestered me to stay in the appeal and in TJtrack!! (: thanks for being my twin and understanding me all these while. from my attitudes to my sadness and to my happiness. we've shared it all.. and i know for sure, 2007 will be a stronger year for you. physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually (:

arvin the rockatang (:
for cheering me up. on your guitar. on your voice. you've been a great senior and i've never regretted knowing you! (: i wanna be as fast as you, wanna jump as high as you, wanna sprawl the walls the way you do!! (: my motivation

jinxy (:
you still owe me a movie and my record breaking training!!! :D

my cell group (:
for being my =) family!!!!!!
brother ken for always understanding somehow or another, trying your best to help me.
david for being the bridge between the cell and me when i first came back into this family.
ben for being my tagboard to spam x)
and many others more....

my family (:
for being there for me every step during my op.
to my grandpa for always being supportive for every action i do, even every anger/temper/upsetness i create.. juz a pat on my shoulder and i felt your warmth. seriously (:
to my grandma who's the nutritionist (: cooking yummy food for me even those nourishing ones during my op.. and helping me with my baking too!
to my daddy for driving me to and fro and for juz silently being that old bean (:
to my mummy for always cheering me up, taking me out and enjoying every moment with me (: always my hand to hold and my arm to cling on (:
to nad for being the joy of my life (: i love you to bits and i wish i could bite you more x)

everyone else who've been there and done that (:
you guys rock my world.. and my world would never have been whole without each and every one of you (:

and how can i forget huh..
benjamin tay kai long!!! :D
thanks for being that great friend you've always been (: for being there pre op, during op, and post op. showing compassion and sharing my pain with me.. and i'll never forget how you rejoiced with me with every improvement after my op (: you've been a pillar of strength and a pillar of support. for my bites, pokes, punch =P!!!!! (: and for your never failing patience no matter how short they're suppose to be. thanks for the wonderful 2006 =) it was a bitter sweet end indeed to this 2006.. and i've indeed learnt to hold on to those memories that are mine to keep and let go of everything else that's not meant to belong to me, and that includes you.
HAPPINESS IZ YOURS TO CONTROL

the end (:

*throbs @01:40
0 <3

Monday, January 01, 2007

cip experience (:

been doing CIP recently.. well i'm not exactly gonna call it cip cuz cip's juz a form of bonus as it seems to me. especially when i come to tink of it, if i hadn't gone to help out, i would have DIED at home. waha

so yupp!! it's a sense of satisfaction as a matter of fact. first day was saturday when rachel and i did it together.. well i left early.. and i didn't count the number of sets we sold.. but as the days followed.. sunday i did it on my own, and today with my mum.. well.. about 2hours a day.. and yesterday i managed to sell 13sets of 6!!! (: COOL!! but today only managed 10 sets.. comparatively it ain't a pretty good outlook of sales.

well.. juz some encounters noted.
1. to get taoed and somehow turned invisible iz a normal thing to happen.
2. some people are juz too stuck up to even say sorry or maybe thanks! but when some do, they get rewarded by a thank you VERY MUCH from me (: plus a smile!! (: hee!
3. today was the first time someone shoved newspapers in my face ):< color="#ff0000">yays to everyone who helped.

so yupp!! after stating the bad, i will NEVER forget the good (:
1. there were two occasions whereby they said they'd come back later not juz to dismiss us, but in fact they came back and bought a $10 set each!! (:
2. normally i have a standard "script" to say, and some of them juz dismiss me with a wave and i always say thanks.. but there was this guy, who dismissed me.. and instead of walking up the escalator to his destination, he turned back to ask me which organisation!! :D and he bought a pair himself (:
3. ohoh.. and there was this family, 2boys, the maid and the mum.. haha..!! erm.. so yaaaa.. i approached her and seeked her help (: she bought a set of 6 and said it was a good deed, she even asked me which school was i from and how'd i got the "job"!!! waha.. so i said vouluntary can go to booth and say you wanna help out. and guess wad. she volunteered her son!!!!! =P lolx. but juz jokingly la.. enthu eh (:
4. and did i say there was this guy who was juz being friendly? he gave alot of coins and a note and like bought a set of 6.. waha.. den he asked us iz this all we have to sell? den we said no, cuz there's actually a booth juz out there!!! den he said den sorry arh i dun tink i can help you all le!! i was like HUH?! in the end my mum said he wanted to help us buy all so we din have to stand there and sell anymore!!! waha!! so nice right!! :D
5. well i guess no matter wad experiences i may encounter the best thing iz still to know that the tincan that i received earlier was heavy when it returned (: yesterday's was COOL.. the tin was full to the brim that the notes had to be literally stuffed into the can x) today's wasn't that full but i could still see the notes through the slot =P

i guess that's the end of it.. wont be able to go back to help out tmr.. and when school reopens i'll be stuck with the orientation camp.. one week. juz one more week to let lose and go crazy.. den it's time to -----.. sighhhh.. but no choice..! i more or less have a prospect of after JC already.. if i dun manage to get to uni that iz.

*throbs @23:42
0 <3